


Ocean Eyes

by BallumOasis



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22176748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BallumOasis/pseuds/BallumOasis
Summary: fic based on the lyrics to Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Kudos: 18





	Ocean Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone,
> 
> so i’m back with another little something. i took a massive break over the holiday period, but here i am back again.
> 
> as always song lyrics can be found in brackets and lowercase is intended.
> 
> enjoy! x

(i’ve been watching you  
for some time  
can’t stop staring at those   
ocean eyes)

meeting the infamous ben mitchell for the first time was an interesting affair for callum. he’d been able to hide his true self for so long. but, one look in bens bright, ice blue eyes changed that. the firm handshake over the bar provided a warmth to callum’s being, a feeling he’d never felt with whitney. while admiring the young man before him, callum’s mind drifted to the conversation with mick over a year ago, when he’d first ended up on the square. he remembered the way mick had described the son of phil mitchell as a ‘young lad who craved his fathers approval’. 

(burning cities  
and napalm skies  
fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes  
your ocean eye)

whenever he saw ben in the pub or out on the square, callum couldn’t look away. bens eyes had him hypnotised. the colour in them was unlike anything callum had ever seen, but behind them, he could see sadness and pain. he never pushed to question anyone about bens past on the square. he knew he was a bad lad, with him being a mitchell, but he didn’t know the extent to which bens convictions spanned, or his turbulent family history. he also wasn’t aware of the heartache ben had suffered in his short life. none of that mattered however, as callum needed to hide his feelings, too scared his secret would become common knowledge. 

(no fair  
you really know how to make me cry  
when you give me those ocean eyes  
i’m scared) 

after weeks of ben berating him at every opportunity, the dodgy van was the final straw, so callum finally decided to confront him. however, what had occurred in the moment was not what he expected. how ben had seen right through his facade he’d never know, he’d been hiding his true feelings his whole life, he thought his story was well accomplished. during the exchange, callum couldn’t rip his eyes from bens, the beautiful blue pigment shining through. the words ben spoke felt like knives being stabbed through his heart. his whole life, ruined. everyone would know, everyone would judge and hate. bens words haunted him as he stormed out of the beale residence, tears streaming down his face. truth be told, callum was scared. he didn’t know what ben would do with his newfound discovery. he could only hope that ben didn’t out him.

(i’ve never fallen from quite this high  
falling into your ocean eyes  
your ocean eyes) 

months passed, and still callum lived with a slight fear that ben may out him. he couldn’t fully trust the promise ben had made to him. but as the time passed, callum became more and more infatuated by ben. in a sea of people, he could spot the piercing blues of the young mitchell, his heart beginning to race, his palms becoming sweaty. every run in they had, callum’s throat would tighten, his words stuck. but somehow, they couldn’t keep away from each other. callum was falling for ben, rapidly. ben had catapulted him into a new world. and as the wedding neared, he just couldn’t keep away from the blue eyed boy.

(i’ve been walking through   
a world gone blind   
can’t stop thinking   
of your diamond mind)

callum’s heart ached at the distance between them. spending just a minute apart was hard at the best of times, but with ben having been shot by hunter while trying to stop whitney outing him after the failed wedding attempt, callum couldn’t cope not seeing him on the square. without ben, he was blind. he needed ben to guide him, to bring him out of his well polished web of lies about his true identity. when he wasn’t visiting ben, callum was stuck thinking of ben, and how tough it is to break into his mind. the wall ben put up was hard to crack, and callum could only hope he’d be able to break through. ben was truly beautiful in callum’s eyes. under his hard man exterior, ben was a shy character and a brilliant dad. he’d been through some heavy stuff in his short life, and it had shaped him into who he was, but that intrigued callum, it gave ben an edge. he couldn’t wait to tap into that diamond mind of bens.

(careful creature made friends with time  
he left her lonely with a diamond mind  
and those ocean eyes)

giving in to a date at the albert once ben was back on his feet, something felt off between them the minute callum stepped through the door of the albert. it was as if they’d taken two steps backwards. the progress they’d made to be there together, in that moment, was monumental for callum. so when he looked over lolas shoulder, seeing ben with another man, a piece of his heart broke. his first time on a date, open and proud, ended with the man who’d made him see sense, becoming acquainted with another right in front of his eyes. and while they weren’t officially together, callum had begun to understand bens mind and how it functioned, taking pieces of him and using them to try and better himself, to make him more tough. the diamond mind that ben possessed had rubbed off on callum. as he turned to leave the bar, he took one last look at bens eyes. his ocean blues sparkled, the glaze of slight tears washing over them at the realisation of his mistake. but it was too late for ben to fix. callum wasn’t going to be treated like dirt.

(no fair  
you really know how to make me cry  
when you give me those ocean eyes  
i’m scared) 

coming out to his dad was the hardest thing callum had had to do in a long time. to put his real identity out there to a homophobe filled him with dread. as he stood at the bar in the vic with ben, about to fulfil bens request of kissing him in front of everyone, his dad had stormed in. the events that ensued after that were not what callum first thought. he knew his dad would aim abuse at both him and ben, but what he didn’t expect was phil to stand up for the both of them, and inflict pain on his dad. he was thankful for it none the less. and as they moved outside, callum took his opportunity to show everyone he was proud. walking to ben, he trembled knowing everyone’s eyes were on them, but as he leaned into ben, cupping his face, all he could see were the piecing blue irises sparkling back at him. a sense of safety washed over callum. walking back towards the flat, he couldn’t stop the undeniable feeling of nerves. he was scared for the future and for what people thought of him. but he hoped him and ben were going to make a proper go of things, and that excited him more than anything.

(i’ve never fallen from quite this high  
falling into your ocean eyes  
your ocean eyes)

pams return to the square had thrown a spanner in the works. it was the first real test for them since the brief appearance from callum’s dad. callum knew little of paul, but from the way ben had described him, and their love for each other, callum knew that he was a good guy. callum could see bens blues light up at the mention of paul, just like they did when someone mentioned his name to ben in the present. pams arrival being sprung on them hadn’t helped, and as much as callum knew the significance of the woman to ben, he couldn’t help the feeling of jealousy that sat low in the pit of his stomach. 

(no fair  
you really know how to make me cry  
when you give me those ocean eyes  
i’m scared)

until now, everything had been perfect. they’d become more domesticated. callum was happy, and he thought ben was too. until now. standing in the flat, the two were at loggerheads over bens bloodied shirt. callum hates being kept in the dark, and although he trusted and believed in ben deep down, he needed to know what was going on. he’d noticed over the past days how bens demeanour had shifted from his normally relaxed self to a more agitated alternative. callum had clocked the increase in how often ben checked his phone, or how early ben was rising every morning. maybe he was too naive, but in his heart of hearts callum knew something was wrong. 

and so, as callum stepped out of the larger bedroom at the sound of ben entering the flat, he could sense the tension already building in the air. the events that followed in the flat had disorientated callum. it felt as though time had stood still, and all he can remember is telling ben he was in love with him, for ben give him the cold shoulder before leaving as quickly out the door as he had entered a few minutes previous. callum moved swiftly, following ben down the road, halting in the square garden as ben slowed to a stop before turning back to face his boyfriend. callum’s voice faltered as he pleaded with ben, knowing where this was inevitably leading. callum looked past his own glossy eyes into bens, analysing them in search of bens true feelings, knowing that the whole breaking up was just a front and a rouse to protect them both, from what callum was unsure. staring thoughtfully into bens eyes, callum could see the build up of tears pooling in the corners, wetting his eyelashes. the once bright blue colour in his eyes had drained, replaced by a dull grey looking colour. as ben turned on his heel to walk away, callum heard a faint sob be expelled by the younger man. callum, however, was frozen to his spot. he couldn’t move, the reality of the situation setting in. ben had dumped him, kicked him into touch a mere few days before christmas. truth be told, callum was scared. he was lost without ben.

(i’ve never fallen from quite this high  
falling into your ocean eyes  
your ocean eyes)

callum knew he had to get away. he couldn’t stay and burden stuart and rainie, ruining their first christmas together with his sulking. and so, he planned to be daring for once and go with no thought towards where. get to the station and see where he ended up. at this point, he didn’t care where he ended up, anywhere was better than the square. packing a small bag together, he looked over the flat to see the blue gift bag sat on the countertop. he’d wrapped the contents in gold paper in preparation. only the intended recipient would probably not receive it now. he stuffed the small bag into his belongings, hoping to take a small piece of ben with him. setting off for the station, callum opened the parlour door to be faced with the familiar short man, in his green coat. trying to make conversation was difficult, the awkwardness filled the open air. and as they strung a few loose sentences together, callum delved into his bag, retrieving the blue bag and handing it to the younger man stood before him. callum watched a silent ben fiddle with the bags gift tag and handles, squeezing the bag between his fingers in an attempt to stop his emotions becoming visible to callum. turning towards the station, callum took one last look at bens eyes. the ocean blue pigment had returned slightly since their last encounter. callum would come to savour that last image while he was gone. before he could get another word in, ben had left, back on the phone, a look of anger plastered on his face.

in the space of a few short months, callum had fallen for the boy with the blue eyes as bright as oceans. he’d fallen right into them from a completely different ledge. and deep down, below all the heartbreak and pain, callum knew he’d rather not have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it this far, thank you for reading!
> 
> please leave any comments, good or bad, or suggestions you may have.
> 
> you can now also find me on tumblr under the same name :)


End file.
